L...O...V...E?

With Valentines Day in the rear-view mirror, I figure it's the right time to construct my post on romantic love.  What does being in love really look like?  How does one find the right balance between feelings and logic in relationships?  Most of us go through life with little to no guidance regarding relationships and just squirm around trying to figure it out as quick as possible with as few scars as possible.  I think there is a lack of spoken advice out there because few people feel they really have the answers to such things!  Fortunately, I do.  Here are the answers and advice we've all been anxiously waiting for.  Okay, maybe not.  But I have learned a few things that may be helpful for....

• ...the person holding on to an ideal.  You have a list detailing everything you want in a partner and you will settle for nothing less.  To you I say - take that list, carefully fold it up as small as you can, and flush it down the toilet!  There is NO ideal person to fit your every stinking desire. You will find a person who meets some of your requirements but never all.  Instead of trying to find everything you want and need in another, focus on growing to BE everything you want and go offer that to the world.

• ...the one who compromises core values and settles.  Ultimately you and your partner will end up feeling sick riding the up and down the waves of your emotions as you sacrifice your core standards for sentiment.  I don't care how good and right it feels - know your absolutes in a relationship and if they're lacking walk away.  Don't over analyze every angle and make excuses - thank the individual for their time in your life and move on.  You need to create a FEW absolutes for yourself when approaching relationships.  Understand and accept that these might change as you date and mature - roll with that.  But know what yours are presently and don't compromise.  If you don't know what yours are, talk to couples who have what you want or date around until you do.  You're not about to learn your relational absolutes by reading self help books alone in your basement.  Do you want kids?  Do they?  This might be a good starting point to finding your non-negotiables. 

• ...the one who seeks thrills.  Yes there is great excitement to be in a relationship with someone who brings mystery, intrigue, charisma and looks like they walked out of your dreams.  But take time to consider -  Will the thrills be enough when your family member gets sick and your partner is too busy recreating or socializing with friends to care?  How about when the bills begin to stack up because they possess the financial responsibility of a six year old in a candy shop?  Having some spark and thrills in a relationship is awesome but it's NEVER enough by itself.

• ...the one who leads with their head.  You have analyzed this person from every angle and can't find any logical reason to push them away despite your feelings.  You can't enjoy the warmth and glow of a blazing fire without first having a spark.  Pursuing a logical choice in relationships without some spark is like sitting around a pile of wood imagining what it would feel like if it were warm.  The thought might offer some comfort but it's greatly unsatisfying.  Each person carries a spark for someone and if that's not you, be kind to them and yourself - cut it off.

• ...the one who fights to make it work.  The beginning of a relationship is supposed to be relatively easy and fun!  If it's more work than fun within the first year - red light.

• ...the one who surrenders at the first sign of struggle.  You are a difficult person to be with.  Everyone is at some point - including you!  If you can't accept your own shortcomings you won't accept those of another.  If this is the case, you have some work to do on yourself before you can invite an intimate relationship into your life.  Every relationship at some point feels more like work than fun.  Be prepared to put the work in for the one who's willing to put it in for you.

• ....the one who juggles multiple relationships.  This is a great way to learn about what kind of person you want to date and what your absolutes are but don't get too involved if you're dating more than one person and be honest about your status with each person involved.  Eventually if you don't make a decision, the decision will be made for you and you'll be left standing alone with a loss of self-respect.

I know each of these people because at one point or another I've been each of them.  Presently I feel more prepared to show up for the right person at the right time than I ever have thanks to learned experiences in dating.  I'm grateful for the failed relationships and people that has helped me learn along the way.  I have inflicted wounds and received many myself.  That is the nature of opening your heart up.  I will never give up taking risks in love and I will always be open to finding it while finding contentment without.  Some of the best relationship advice given to me - "As long as you feel the need to be in a relationship to be happy you don't belong in one."


For a sappy and hopeful ending, I write this to...

• ...the one who wants to love me like I want to love you.  Thank you for being patient with me and my flaws.  You see me at my worst yet remember me at my best.  Thank you for being kind.  You continually consider how you would like to be treated and talked to and that is what is reflected to me.  Thank you for keeping no record of wrongs.  I have wronged you before but you don't remind me of it after we have worked through it.  You are so quick to forgive that your grace compels me to be better.  Thank you for embracing hope.  You see my potential and remind me of what I can become affirming my feeble steps towards the goal.  Thank you for persevering.  Your commitment to us is resilient and tenacious.  Thank you for trusting.  You give me the benefit of the doubt assuming the best rather than the worst about me.  Thank you for protecting me.  We bring others into our love but at the end of the day it's always you and I watching each others backs.

The Fuel That Drives Me to Become a PA

"Why do you want to become a PA?"

I have been giving this question some serious thought over the past couple of years since returning to school in effort to become a Physician Assistant.  Tomorrow is my final interview for graduate school at Arizona School of Health Sciences.  I'm stoked about the opportunity however have come to a point of acceptance that this is an extremely competitive process and I must be prepared to accept any outcome.

The reasons I have for wanting to become a Physician Assistant have three layers.  At the core, I desire to help disadvantaged populations.  I have traveled across the US and with teams to 6 different countries to provide aid to diverse populations.  As a result I have seen first hand the disparities that exist in wealth, familial support, and the access to affordable quality healthcare.  I desire my life to be a conduit that gives from what it receives.  I believe this is the way of nature and what allows us to truly find peace and fulfillment in our humanity.

At the next layer I have a passion for health - physical, mental, and spiritual.  These three facets of our health are so interconnected that it is often undetectable where one ends and the other begins.  I specifically desire a career in healthcare because of its universal applicability across all cultures and times.  As a healthcare provider there will always be a need that I can aid in filling no matter where I find myself.  Additionally I am passionate about science and find understanding the physiological inner-workings of our bodies miraculous. 

The final layer explains why I have chosen a healthcare career specifically as a Physician Assistant.  The PA profession is riddled with lateral mobility.  I can specialize in emergency care, family practice, surgery, psychology, and a host of other directions changing specialties throughout my career.  PA's are given a level of autonomy that is challenging and exciting to me yet they work under the supervision of a Physician.  I appreciate how the PA profession establishes a link in healthcare that promotes a team culture and coordination between providers.  Multiple minds working together generally yield better results than any man on his own.  Additionally the friends I have who are PA's love their profession and state that their career allows a good work/life balance with an income that is conducive to supporting a family.  As someone who desires to adopt and foster multiple children, this is essential. 

Unfortunately I am much less gifted at expressing myself through verbal communication so I appreciate your prayers as I attempt to communicate my thoughts in the interview tomorrow.  Ultimately there are a host of paths to achieving my passions and as much as I'd love the doors for PA to open this year, I'll carry forward the mantra of resilience - Adapt, Improvise, Overcome!

The Relevant Question That Silences All Others

The career roller coaster kicked into gear again.

Just two days ago I was telling a friend that if I don't get into PA school this year, I will reapply the following year.  I want this for many good reasons and I'm going to remain determined to get there.  Decisive.  Clear. We all admire decisiveness and clarity - it gives a sense of stability and concreteness to our own hidden and vulnerable sense of doubt and uncertainty.  The last couple years of my life have been full of attempting to find the delicate balance between embracing my own questioning and doubts while still having legs to stand on and move forward with.  I made it my birthday resolution (I do one each year instead of several at New Years) to embrace the ethic of decisiveness and follow through - an effort to regain my own rapidly eroding sense of direction.  Three things I chose to serve as the weights in my gym of decisiveness - dating, career, and spiritual family.

From the outside perspective - I've pulled it off.  Since my birthday in May... I went on a few dates and pursued only one inconspicuous relationship, I've kept my medical job and continued diligently in school working towards PA grad school, and I've remained invested in my spiritual family attending meetings regularly every week (unless the prior two commitments conflicted).  Congrats to me - I've fooled the outsiders.  But to you... those who know me best, I ain't fooling nobody!

I could write for hours about how my emotions and thoughts attached to dating and relationships have shifted and cycled on the daily - like riding in the hammerhead at the fairgrounds, leaving your stomach in knots.  We could head over to the tilt-a-whirl and discuss the nauseating cycles relating to my inner satisfaction and contentment levels with my spiritual family.  I'll withhold from all that for now and instead jump on the Excalibur of my career pursuits.

In 2010, I decided to forsake a career in medicine to pursue my deepest passions - supporting youth and playing in the wilderness.  In five years, I had bounced through 6 different jobs that had some predictably common variables - low pay, long hours, high stress.  I wanted, but failed, to find an organization that did three central things:

1) Develop REAL relationships with the staff and youth
2) Empower the staff and the youth
3) Never give up on an enduring commitment to support the staff and youth

Finally I threw my hands up and said if I can't find such a program, I'll make one!  It didn't take long to realize that I lacked two very important things to make such a vision a reality - money and the support of a counterpart/partner/spouse.  So what did I do?  I reached for both.  I found the one I would partner with and returned to school.  That relationship ended in flames of rejection that burned the "I give a shit about what others think" right out of my soul.  Additionally despite my die-hard commitment to academia and a thriving GPA, I've faced rejection from 4 graduate programs and am staring down the barrel of my final chance for this year's cycle.  I'm not alone - PA school is extremely competitive and the percent that get in on their first application cycle is dismally low.  Nonetheless, it causes me to pause and ask myself, "Is this REALLY what you want?"

The medical field is lucrative, poses a fantastic way to meet a legitimate need, and the science is truly fascinating.  If I'm honest, for me it's all of that -but the biggest reason is so I can get back to my deepest passions: supporting neglected youth and hanging in nature.  If I get accepted this year I'll be looking at 2-3 more years for school, and 3-4 years for paying off the bulk of debt.  Six years and I'll have some time and money to invest in my passions.  Not too bad....right?

Last summer I turned down a dream job guiding struggling youth through wilderness adventures with an incredible friend.  This summer I'm turning down a different job as a park ranger and adventure guide at another youth camp.  Why?  For school.  To remain decisive and committed.  To work towards long-term goals rather than the extreme temptation for immediate satisfaction.

Should I continue down the road of responsible commitment towards the medical profession in the hopes that someday I'll have the means to do what I'm most eager to accomplish?  Should I just forfeit the whole thing and keep searching for the job that meets my passions and supports my missional values?  Should I start a non-profit, embrace philanthropy, and start my own program as a single guy?  What if....what if... the answer is the same no matter what career path I take.  What if the commitment to these goals or lack there of isn't even the most important way to achieve them?  I'm not going to tidy the complexity of this article up into a nice feel good ending.  Many of us struggle to find the balance of pursuing our greatest passions boldly and fervently with living responsibly and practically.  We struggle to identify our deepest passions and then when we find them we struggle at how to attain their fulfillment.  Just as it's a journey to figure out what kind of relationship we want and then struggle to find it.  No easy answers here.  But maybe the true answer is found in the right question...

I have a passion for neglected youth because too many youth are neglected.  I have a passion for nature because it brings peace in a world of chaos.  This warrants THE question worth asking, "How do I grow in giving peace and loving relationship in my everyday life?"  This is an outside-in-inside-out process.  Receive it, experience it, give it.  Questions of career, relationship status, and even spiritual group become much less important here.  This is where the carnival ride tickets are useless. Yeah, it's a lot more manly to talk about the virtues of decisive bold actions of conquest with an unquestioning commitment.  I don't care that my culture defines a man who talks about peace and love as a weak hippie.  I want to practice and learn how to produce peace and love with our words and hands on the daily.  I decisively choose to let the creation of peace and love be my focus.  These are my two legs that I move forward on.  I have a LOT to learn about reflecting peace and love to those around me.  This is the highest education, the ultimate discovery, the ride that leaves you feeling better than when you got on. 

Life Track Log

If you have ever worked with a GPS you have probably become familiar with the Track Log feature.  When navigating, periodically you mark a "waypoint" which records your current location.  At the end of a trip, you can string together your waypoints to create a track log that documents your journey.  The new direction I am taking with this blog is to create waypoints that I can share with a specific and defined population - those loved ones who can appreciate and celebrate my personal location while recognizing it is not my destination.  I believe you are one of those people.  Thank you for being a free spirit, open mind, and loving heart that I can trust and find security in.  I hope you find me to be such a friend in your life. 

Last summer I was hiking with a group in Colorado up to a beautiful mountain lake. Upon reaching the emerald glacial pool I took in the magnitude of the scene and quickly shifted my gaze to the mountain summit which appeared only a short distance ahead. I told the group I was going to do a quick push towards the top and would make it back before their return decent. After 20 minutes of ascending steep scree fields I found myself in a saddle probably 600' below the peak.  I looked down at my group dotting the edges of the lake and determined that I should probably forsake pushing forward towards the top and return to the pack.  As I stood upon a boulder resting at the height of the saddle, my disappointment quickly shifted to a profound peace wrapped in the silence and isolation of the remote beauty.  I took deep rythmic breaths drawing in the cool mountain air saturated with fragrances of pine and mountain flowers.  After observing the incredible scene before me - standing between two turquoise lakes below, surrounded by distant mountain ranges back-dropped by a blue sky accented with puffy white clouds - I closed my eyes and continued to breathe slow and deep.  In this moment I heard the voice of Creator God grip my heart and speak a profound and much needed truth into my heart, "Know and appreciate your location, but never mistake it as the destination."  As I chewed on this statement, here what I squeezed out of the statement...

• There is a illusive and false idea that a destination exists in this life:  I have found myself.  I know God.  I have the truth.  I will arrive when... I get THE job; I get THE relationship; I get THE degree; I get THE house. These things may serve as significant way-points along my journey but they certainly are not the destination.  Thinking of such things as destinations keep us locked into the idea that happiness and peace will come after certain objectives are achieved; that there is a defined state of arrival.

• I don't want to fit the prescribed and arranged boxes created for me that keep my heart and mind locked in one place or mindset.  My relationship with and understanding of myself, God, and people in my life will continually change and grow.  Tomorrow may look very different from today.  I'm not scared about this - I'm excited about this!  Learning never stops.  Growth results.  Truth is discovered.  Change is embraced.  Life is an adventure!

• I might not be where I want to be in some aspect of my being or environment, but I can observe it, appreciate it and not judge it.  Just as a parent views their developing child, so God views me.  When I crawl and cannot stand - it's beautiful and accepted.  When I learn to stand, fall, and walk again - it's beautiful and accepted.  When I am a child awkwardly running as my coordination develops - it's beautiful and accepted.  When I walk confidently and proudly, when I trudge carrying the weight of the world - it's beautiful and accepted. 

• If I accept my present understanding and light as a destination, I miss the opportunity for further growth and lose my own authenticity and child-like heart that pushes me towards experimentation, discovery, risk, learning, and exploration.  This is a deep essence of being human!  Adulting does not mean I must forsake these innate virtues. 

Too much of my life has been composed of playing the songs written by others.  The music still carries beauty and may even profoundly touch the listener, but it lacks authentic emotion and leaves me disenchanted.  I have been freed to regain my sense of wonder at 30 and now I'm creating my own music.  It's not always understood and embraced by all just as any music style was received publicly - jazz, reggae, country, techno... but it's my music and it's honest!  Living in a world where there is so little that can be trusted, I am going to strive to be honest.  I'm done striving to be right, good, or accepted by squeezing into uncomfortable molds that I don't fit.  Instead I strive to just be honest.  With this, I acknowledge that many people are uncomfortable and can even become hostile towards this honesty.  I don't need to share all of it with everyone.  It is my music to protect, share, and create.  I hope you enjoy following my tracks as I create written way-points. I am eager to follow you in yours and maybe at times we will even find ourselves sharing the same path.  At times that we don't, I commit to striving to celebrate your journey while curiously and respectfully learning about new territory that I have not experienced.

Unconditional love is rare and sacred.  Thank you for being a person that helps me to believe it is real.  The way I see it, we each are a way-point plugged into the Global Positioning System - life on earth.  Together we create the track log that is humanity.  It is my prayer that at the end of my life, my waypoint will lead future generations into the beauty, peace, and freedom of the mountains.

From Machine to Man

The muscular shirtless man stands perched on the edge of the primitive wooden boat waiting for the whale to pass nearby.  He grips his spear tightly with both hands as his hunting crew sits in quite anticipation behind him.  The powerful whale pulls up near the surface of the water, the man leaps into the air off the bow, and in one powerful motion drops down onto the whale thrusting his spear into the back.  I sit in the comfort of my home watching the documentary in utter wonderment.  I stare at my computer screen and consider the shear risk facing these men as they undergo a risky and creative hunting ritual to provide food for their coastal village.  I put another bite of my processed, store-bought, microwavable dinner into my mouth as I observe this village gratefully make use of every morsel of their catch.  Something familiar stirs within me.  I recognize the feeling from my time living among a village in Chad, Africa and from my treks into the open desert of Utah.  I look down at my dog, my loyal companion and adventure enthusiast, who is looking longingly through the widows.  I join his stare and begin to drift into thought.

What has happened to the modern American man?  Where is the heroism, the adventure, the relationship with nature and his fellows?  What has become of me?  The culture around me seems gripped in the clutches of materialism and the pursuit of money, insurance, likes on social media, and entertaining themselves with technology.  Here I am returning to college in an urban mid-western town in pursuit of my own career offering financial security.  I remind myself that my pursuit of further medical training is an effort to obtain a practical skill that I can use to serve others and provide for a family someday.  Yet somehow, in the midst of studying, testing, papers, and paying rent - I feel separated from my adventurous human spirit.  I think of how I have been sucked into a life of meaningless clutter, relationship drama, and performing for the MAN.... instead of just being... being human... a man.

This is the catalyst I need.  Recently my truck leaf spring broke and this created a chain reaction of enlightening experiences that just climaxed in this moment as I stare with my dog out into the urban remnants of nature.  The break to my 98' Ranger's suspension was serious enough that I knew it needed fixed before I could drive again.  I spent the last week riding me bike everywhere around town.  It fed my soul something it had been missing.  I left me phone in class on Friday and had to spend the weekend without it.  This also fed my soul.  I called a mechanic who quoted me $1,000+ to make the necessary simple repairs.  I laughed and hung up realizing that my truck doesn't even hold the value of the repair.  Immediately I began thinking about the purchase of a new vehicle and how I would afford it.  Instead, I opted for plan B - I crawled under my truck with a hammer and some wire and did an amateur fix.   I drove the truck around town and found that it held.  I will now drive only when it's a necessity, otherwise I'll use my bike.  Major cash saved through a little labor and creativity.  Thanks dad.  Another soul feeding.

These combined experiences have led me to a soul-craving to become human once again.  This means simplifying and abiding in a deep connected relationship with nature, a physical community of people around me (not Facebook), and my Creator.  I commence this pursuit by cutting out all access from my life.  There is a movement emerging of people recognizing the same soul-craving and finding authentic happiness in pursuit of simplifying and returning to basics.  It's called Minimalism.  Like the two creators, I don't think minimalism is a fad or trend, but a way of becoming truly human again in an overstimulated, material, highly mechanized culture.  They put forth a 21-day plan for this process that I am committing to applying over the next few weeks.   I will document my journey here.

The 21 -Day Journey into Minimalism:   http://www.theminimalists.com/21days/

An Urgent Understanding

 This may be the hardest post I will ever write and probably the most important.  While I'm about to highlight some deeply personal and sensitive truths, this blog post is not about me.  I'm a single person, on a short journey through this life with with a very narrow position in time and space.  With it, I must give back and contribute to the betterment of the world around me wherever possible.  This is my purpose in writing.  Thank you for reading and I ask that you proceed with an open heart and mind. This may challenge you and it is challenging for me, but this is one of those instances that I deeply believe - hard IS good.

Another life lost.  Last week a good friend of mine lost a student to suicide.  Then yesterday I received news of yet another young person that took her own life.  When I received the news I was rocked to the core.  A familiar tightness gripped my chest as I asked the question to which I deeply felt I already knew the answer.  "Why?  Was there any indication as to what she was up against that drove her to such a bleak encounter with fear and pain?"  As I listened to the response, the words I had predicted, broke through the ear piece of my phone - "She was deeply struggling with her sexuality."

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, queer... each of these labels have one thing in common - sexuality that deviates from the norm.  Most often when a person begins to recognize this deeply personal challenge, they are ostracized, feared, guilt ridden, and shamed.  I know a lot about this.  Not just because I have worked with dozens of youth facing this deep inward struggle.  Not just because my sister is gay and has openly shared with me difficulties from her journey.  But because I myself have faced a silent inward battle over my sexuality since I was a young child.  I'm not bursting out of a closet here waving a rainbow colored flag and demanding your approval of my inward deviant attractions.  I'm not even here to define my sexuality or explain to you how I plan to move forward with it in my life.  What I am here to do is to put forward a sincere plea - listen.  Listen to what I have to say and do your best to lay aside preconceived ideas and opinions.  Not so I can manipulate, shift, or support your political and religious views.  Not so I can draw your sympathies, attention, and approval for myself.  I ask that you listen only for this purpose - I am sharing this journey of being human with you and from the deepest recesses of my being I have a message to share that just might save the life of someone you know.

Consider your own sexual leanings.  What are you truly sexually attracted to?  Not just gender, but what personality traits, mannerism, body type, style, features, etc.  Really think about what core aspects of a partner you are physically drawn to.  Consider the strength of these attractions as a teenager.  You don't have to tell me, after all it's none of my business.  Just know for yourself.  Now wipe away everything you have ever been told about right and wrong attraction, just for a moment, and imagine hearing these 7 messages spoken to directly to you by your family, friends, church, and/or peers.

1. What you are attracted to is wrong.  It's different from what it's supposed to be.  You're different from what you're supposed to be.  You're a disgusting freak.
2.  Either change your attractions or hide them because it really makes people uncomfortable.  If you don't hide them, then I won't associate with you.
3. Wait...you're attracted to tall people?  I'm tall.  You must be attracted to me.  Um, this is awkward.  I'm not sure we can be friends now.  I don't like you that way.
4.  You're not welcome here.  You're dangerous.  God has said so himself.
5. We need to understand what has caused you to develop these abnormal attractions.  Genetics?  Childhood trauma?  Maybe the persuasion of your peers, culture, or media?  What causes someone to be intimately attracted to the type of person you're drawn to?  Let's get to the root.  
6. I accept you as a person but not your lifestyle.  Yes, that's right - pursuing relationships with those you are romantically drawn to puts you in a lifestyle class.  I reject that class.  I don't agree with it.
7. I recognize that what you are attracted to is unnatural and wrong.  But I am reasonable and loving, so I'll accept you under one of two conditions.  You remain single, or you move forward into an intimate relationship with someone who you're not intimately attracted to. 

How do you feel?  Bad enough that you could imagine that it would be easier just to not exist?  These messages are sent out all around us continually to those who silently struggle with their own attractions.  Hide and feel separated from your authentic self, or be seen and rejected.  This is too often the choice that is presented.

Next  I could spend time sharing research, experiences from the lives of those I have listened to, or share my own opinions.  Instead I'll do my best just share from my experience as I address each of the 7 messages above.  Re-read the numbered statement above and then read my response for the corresponding number below.

1. I can't control what my body is attracted to.  It's not right or wrong - it just is.  I like apples, LOVE peach pie, and don't care for  carrots.  Now, I have to be responsible with my tastes but they're not inherently right or wrong.  I might not want to eat a great deal of peach pie as that will make me sick and I probably should eat carrots once in awhile if I want good eye sight.  What I like does not have to rule me, but it is a significant part of me.
2. Some people have experiences of their physical attractions changing but that doesn't apply to me.  When it comes to my sexuality and tastes of what I'm physically attracted to in a person - I knew it long before I really understood what sex and sexuality was.  Some aspects have changed but to a large degree it has remained pretty consistent, even when the most rigorous of efforts were put forth to make changes.
3. For me, there is a very narrow range of people that I find myself physically attracted to.  Just because someone possesses a few of the physical traits I lean towards desiring does not mean that I can't be around them without thinking about intimacy.
4. I believe in a creator God who is the source of love, truth, and peace.  I know many people in all religions who believe that God has appointed them the special messenger to inform the world of what he morally approves or disapproves of.  For me, I have found the Bible to be helpful and read it recognizing the limitations of language and the cultural context of many passages are very different from the cultural context of today.  I also recognize that many Bible scholars do not agree how to translate passages and there exist a wide array of scriptural interpretations from respected scholars within Christianity.  (Check out the video link at the end of this post).
5. I am currently taking a genetics course and find that the vast majority of our tastes, thinking, and behavior are complex combinations of multiple genes and our environment.  As an analytical type, I have gone to great lengths to understand the source of my attractions and have found no tidy answer.  Understanding why I gravitate towards a particular taste on any level is extremely complex and multi-faceted.  I was blessed to grow up in a loving home where I never encountered any form of abuse.  I have learned in genetics that mutations regularly occur from our parental DNA during development which cause people to deviate from norms in all aspects of our being.
6. I have shifted into many different "lifestyles" in my lifetime - conservative Seven-Day Adventist, agnostic, non-denominational Christian, adventurous, college, American, African, etc.  Each of these carry a culture of their own.  However, I have found no "lifestyle" that goes with a particular set of physical attractions any more than I have found a lifestyle for right-handedness.  Media has caused me to accept a false notion to the contrary.  
7. A basic human desire is for intimacy.  To be vulnerable and fully share ourselves emotionally and physically with another human being.  I certainly experience this and always have.  I have attempted a relationship where I felt little to no physical attraction and found it very destructive to the relationship and both of us emotionally.  I will not do this again for the sake of the person I am with and their own valid interest in feeling desired and cherished.  I have also found that healthy physical attraction and intimacy grows from a place of deep emotional connectedness when there is some initial attraction to build upon.

To bring it home, relationships and physical attraction are extremely diverse.  If someone is taking advantage of another who is weak or ignorant we need to raise our voices against this.  Relationships involving two consenting adults can not be compared to child molestation.  When youth are working through their sexuality, the best we can offer is unconditional love and support and regularly communicate that we are a safe place where this is being offered.  We don't have to agree with certain types of relationships (such as homosexual) but it is false and ignorant to believe that everyone who expresses or acts on attractions outside the heterosexual norm just chooses this "lifestyle" to rebel against society, their parents, or religion.  There is a deep battle raging inside many who feel their community rejects what they so intuitively experience internally.  We can save a life by listening, loving unconditionally, and embracing two simple truths -

We can never understand someone until we walk a mile in their shoes.

Your actions speak so loudly I cannot hear a word you say.

What will your words and actions convey to the people around you who are experiencing deep inward turmoil as they seek to be authentically themselves yet long to be accepted, loved, and validated by their community, family, and friends?  This is an important question I must repeatedly ask myself.



Helpful resources:

https://www.peacefirstchallenge.org/injustices/lgbtq-rights/?gclid=CjwKEAjwtbPGBRDhoLaqn6HknWsSJABR-o5sxNPkzm9NA-21Wb_z1z8HtShD5XgpjBLfmplJ_UYw2BoCFH3w_wcB
(supporting struggling youth)

https://www.bbbs.org/
(youth mentoring program)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hc45-ptHMxo
 (understanding cultural pressures on boys and men)

 http://www.enoughroomfilm.com/?_ga=1.190815912.2056881280.1485490320
(faith and sexuality in Christianity)

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2603520/
(advice for parents from a medical standpoint)

Empower With a Mission

When was the last time you met anyone who spends their days sitting in front of a TV screen, and thought, "Wow, that is one happy person!"  Yet sadly, many of today's youth we find hidden behind glaring screens, madly pecking and swiping at their phones, and tuning out the world with buds in their ears and controllers in their hands.  It's easy to blame our overindulgent American culture on Hollywood or the addictive nature of video games.  The real problem though is obvious and distressing - the adults are checking out.  We have allowed ourselves to become too busy, distracted, and irresponsible in the things that matter most.  Thousands around the world have purchased an electronic babysitter to entertain and raise their children.  As a result we are raising up a generation of young people who perceive that there are no great needs beyond updating electronic devices to the latest versions.  Even if needs are noticed, few teenagers truly believe there is really anything they can do to better the world other than offer a few dollars to a beggar, or altruistically accept a friend request from a social outcast.   

I believe the solution is to empower our young people with an ethic of service.  Real dirty, difficult, heart-wrenching and heart-warming service.  When a teenager learns that there is a real need in the world and that they have the ability to meet those needs, purpose and meaning is restored.  When I worked with Outward Bound Omaha, I co-led a two-week Youth Service Leadership Project.  The 13 youth from all over the US slowly arrived at our base to pack for out trip.  One by one they arrived, sat down, and pulled out their electronic devices to pass the time.  We eventually had them turn over their electronics and fill out a pre-course evaluation.  On these evaluations they were told to rate on a scale of 1-10 how deep was the sense of purpose and meaning their lives held.  The numbers were distressing:  consistently the numbers were marked with a 2 or 3.  Then we set out.  They learned to navigate a river in canoes, scale a rock wall, and most importantly to see a real need and do something about it.  We took them to food banks in the slums to see how many low-income families struggle to put nutritious food on the tables in their homes.  Then we took them to several community gardens and local farms who were working to provide fresh vegetables to those in poverty.  These 13 students spent time in the fields learning to harvest corn and green beans.  Next they had the opportunity to deliver the goods to food banks and assist with distribution.  On our post-course evaluations students were asked to again rate their personal sense of purpose and meaning.  In just two weeks their numbers had skyrocketed to 8's and 9's!

For a person to discover, develop, and use their abilities to serve the world it takes intentional, consistent, compassionate, and empowering mentorship.  Let's lay aside our distractions and play this role in lives of our youth today.  They may not respond immediately and that's where the next step is crucial... NEVER GIVE UP.   More on this final principle later.