Strengths Perspective

Drawing a deep breath of satisfaction, I stand in the parking lot gazing upward upon the big red neon letters - ACE.  Smiling I dawn my red vest with pride and pin on my name tag bearing the inscription, "Jason - Yard Laborer."  This was my first REAL job - W2, I9's and all.  It was my final year at Chino Valley High and I had made the exciting step into the working class.

Whistling, I walked through the store towards the back greeting my co-workers as I passed, "Hey Bob, good to see ya!... How ya doing Jim?... Good morning Erica - the coffee smells great!"  I grab a Styrofoam cup, poor myself a freshly brewed cup of Joe, and head out the back door.  I'm greeted by the familiar and wonderful scent of freshly cut lumber. I head towards the sound of a rumbling diesel engine springing to life and see my supervisor Matt dismounting the fork lift.  "Hey Jason, I need you to take those pallets of fire logs to the front of the store."  I quickly down the last bit of coffee and climb onto the driver’s seat.  "You remember how to run that thing now, don't ya?"  "Yeah, I got it boss!"  I disengage the e-brake, stretch my leg out to compress the clutch and yank the stubborn stick into 1st.  The beast roars to life and I raise the forks slightly as I spear the first pallet.  I tilt the forks back, elevate, kick it in reverse, spin around and head to the front of the store in one slick motion.  Cruising up to the store front I pause to make sure no customers are in the target zone.  Stacked neatly in front of the store is one full pallet of fire logs.  I raise the forks up and prepare to drive the new pallet right on top, closing the distance with a confident speed - 10 ft...8 ft....6 ft.....4 ft.....bang!  I'm startled by the noise and horrified i gaze upward along the fork beam to see the overhanging roof.  My gut churns as I notice the big red 'A' in ACE has now been slightly disfigured.  In a panic I glance around and see that no one but me and God is aware of my mishap. 

Eventually, I summon the courage to make the walk of shame upstairs towards the manager's office.  Dave opens his office door to my timid knock and welcomes me in with a premature smile.  With sweaty hands and a trembling voice I precede to retell the horrid incident.  Dave looks at me sternly and states, "Well, you're right, that's not good news."  Prepared for the worse I state in desperation, "Whatever it costs for a new sign you can take straight out of my paycheck."  With a slight chuckle, Dave says with a smirk, "It would take A LOT of paychecks to replace a sign like that."  Dave agrees to take a look at it and thanks me for reporting the incident to him.  My stomach lives in my throat for the remainder of the shift.  At the days end, I head to the mail boxes to fill out my timesheet.  Inside my box I find a sealed envelope with my name on it.  Expecting a bill or letter of termination I slowly opened the paper and read:


Dear Jason,

I was very impressed with you for reporting to me immediately following the incident with the sign.  Accidents happen and it means a great deal that you honestly owned up to me for your mistake.  You are a true man of integrity and this will take you far in life.  It's a privilege to have you working for us here.

Sincerely,
Dave

...............................................................

Driving down the road, I can quickly spot drivers who need a little education from the Department of Jason.  At the end of the day I can take inventory of the people who acted foolishly or wronged me in some way - the bag lady who failed to protect my bananas, the postman who failed to deliver my package on time, or the dude who stole my pull up bar at the gym.  It's easy to do this with myself too - I can look at my to-do list and fret over the two out of 15 items that I didn't get crossed off.  I can say a dozen intelligent things in a day’s time (on a good day) yet the foolish remark that escaped is too often one I'm replaying in my head.  When playing cards I might play 8 good hands, but the one hand I lose the game over is often the one that leaves me bitter. 

How about at work?  This is where the game gets serious.  I work with struggling youth who are told daily, "You are a liar," "You are so lazy," "I can't deal with you anymore." "You're failing math," "Why can't you EVER get to your classes on time?"  Where are the voices that say, "I know it wasn't easy but you told me honestly that you were sent to ISS - I'm proud of you for telling me,"  "You walked out of the class instead of hitting the teacher - I'm proud of you for controlling your anger,"  "You turned in half of the job applications - good job for taking action and showing initiative,"  "You have put a lot of hard work into studying for Science and you're now passing!  I know you can do the same for English when you set your mind to it," or "You passed your first drug test!  Way to go!"

I want to strengthen this voice within me and use it to speak to you and all those around me.  This is called a strength based approach.  I have many strengths.  Some of them are - patient, good communicator, thoughtful, creative, adaptive, determined, adventurous and loyal.  Take some time to write yours out.  Yeah, I've got my work cut out for me on areas to improve but when I focus on what I am doing well with it gives me courage to continue the fight and fuel to keep trucking.  If I'm constantly focused on the things I'm not doing well with - it creates complacency, laziness, hostility, anger, and isolating behaviors.  People that keep me focused on my faults and shortcomings have no room in my life.  If I have a critical eye on me the same eye turns around and glares at the world. 

This doesn't mean that I walk around ignorant of my faults or pretend not to see the faults of others.  It certainly does not mean I reach a point where I am faultless and incapable of admitting my shortcomings.  It only means that I spend more time focusing on the good that I have accomplished and the good that others around me are achieving.  What is fed with attention is nourished and finds longevity.

I'm grateful for the people in my life that have sought to stand by my side and have focused on my successes when it was easier to see my failures.  Most of all I thank you God for teaching me about grace with myself and others - this is a concept I will forever continue to strive to fully grasp and reflect more clearly each day.  I must also specifically note, this rant was inspired by a discussion with a fantastic lady who I am privileged to call my girlfriend.  Thank you Julie for your time, wisdom, patience and chosen joy. J



"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." -Philippians 4:8

“Then Jesus entered and passed through Jericho. Now behold, there was a man named Zacchaeus who was a chief tax collector, and he was rich. And he sought to see who Jesus was, but could not because of the crowd, for he was of short stature. So he ran ahead and climbed up into a sycamore tree to see Him, for He was going to pass that way. And when Jesus came to the place, He looked up and saw him, and said, ‘Zacchaeus, make haste and come down, for today I must stay at your house.’ So he made haste and came down, and received Him joyfully. But when they saw it, they all complained, saying, ‘He has gone to be a guest with a man who is a sinner.’ Then Zacchaeus stood and said to the Lord, ‘Look, Lord, I give half of my goods to the poor; and if I have taken anything from anyone by false accusation, I restore fourfold.’” And Jesus said to him, ‘Today salvation has come to this house, because he also is a son of Abraham; for the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost’” (Luke 19:1-10).

As far as my first job goes... the 'A' might have been busted but I did a good job at missing the 'C' and the 'E'!  A co-worker repaired it with masking tape for me and the boss man gave me a raise the following week. ;) 

The Gym

I struggle to force my foot into the already laced bright orange running shoe, thinking once again how ridiculous they look.  I purchased them online at a discounted price for obvious reasons.  As I struggle to squeeze my wide foot into the stubborn mouth, I again reprimand myself for refusing to tie and untie my shoes with each use - a bad habit that has followed me since 5th grade.  I scan the long row of lockers, searching for an open one that poses the greatest inconvenience.  I throw my stuff inside, lay some underwear on top as a deterrent and slam it shut..  It's really about time I get a lock.  I check my pockets to make sure I have the worn index card bearing my workout routine.  Dodging the naked guy exiting the showers, I walk out and commence my workout.  

I grab some water from the fountain, glance at my index card, and begin the search for an open barbell.  As my workout progresses I notice my muscles becoming more and more tense.  Not tense from the exertion but from something entirely different.  It seems every gym has them, they're always there, and learning to co-exist with them is half the battle of the workout...

THE GR-UH!-NTER

Okay, so I understand the importance of deep breathing during repetitions but is it necessary to make the whole gym aware of what rep you're on?  If your weights are so heavy that they are causing you to expel a Spartan war cry with each lift, maybe kick it down a notch.  When people are falling off treadmills on the other side of the gym out of fear, and a desk worker in the lobby comes running with a med bag... might consider developing a new breathing strategy.  

THE DEAF BLIND THEIF

Asking if you want to work in between sets is fine - but don't nab a guys station the minute he gets up, readjust all the weights, and then just sit there between sets admiring your reflection.  I workout using supersets, as do a lot of people today.  Supersetting is a training method in which you do two exercises, one after the other, with no rest in between.  However there always lurks some guy who's mission is to destroy your chances of completing your routine.  He's usually the one tuning out everything around him with the music thumping in his ears.  It's not until you stand directly between him and the mirror, wave your arms and yell,"CAN I FINISH?!"  that he snaps back to reality and says, "Oh, were you using this?"   

THE CHUCK NORRIS

Hey, I'm using the same weight.  Can I work in with you? - "Ha ha, naw, this is just my warm up." 

Maybe it is just your warm up - but I still resent you for it. 

THE TALKER

Um, I hate to interrupt your discourse on how terrible our President is doing and how his fiscal policies are creating a worldwide economic crisis that is going to lead to WWIII ending the existence of modern mankind while the machines take over.... but can I grab those 35s behind you?  I go the gym to workout.  Some people go to socialize and that's fine.  But at least do it in a place where you're not impeding the flow of the crazy few who are trying to compete a workout.  Also, please don't try to talk over the Spartan on the squat machine... you won't win.

Simplicity vs Adventure

I feel torn between worlds... not really living in either, but existing in a sort of mid-western limbo land.  I have one foot standing inside a door of adventure, travel, unpredictability, and conquest.  This is where I find myself contemplating joining the the Coast Guard, applying for jobs in other countries, or pursuing my medic license while enrolled in a police academy somewhere near Lake Tahoe.  I want adventure and physically demanding challenges.  People say, "this is the time in your life to do that!  Young, single, few commitments, go for it!"  I've already traveled and moved more in the last four years than many do in a lifetime.  It's held challenging, yet amazing experiences - I want more!  I want to explore the rest of the 24 states that I've never visited, try various jobs out while adding more diversity to my interests, and ever challenging myself to live outside of my comfort zone.   

Yet my other foot longs for a simple controlled life.  This involves commitment to 2 or 3 important things and the development of some sort of...dare I say...routine.  Currently I'm living in a small town of Lincoln, NE juggling applying for several full-time jobs while holding multiple part-time positions together in a precarious balance.  This involves constant paperwork, resumes, job interviews, cluttered and irregular calendar appointments,  and the constant feeling that I'm forgetting to do something important.  I want ONE good full-time job without thinking of applying for another.  Just one job to dedicate myself fully to and move up in my position and income.  I'm very attracted to the prospect of knowing when I will receive my next paycheck and what numbers will be on it.  Maybe I could actually create a budget!  Also, I want my own place.  Just a simple house/apt. that I can set things up the way I want them and live there for at least a full year.  You know, somewhere I can just throw my stuff where ever I want it and walk around in my underwear any time I want.  I can eat whatever is in the fridge without thinking, "Is this mine?  Wait... who's been drinking my juice!?"  I can get a bed that my whole body fits on... no feet hanging off the edge and awkwardly smashed against the wall.  And most importantly... I want to get a dog!    I'll wake up at my regular time and go work my regular hours and come home to find "Shadrack" waiting eagerly for his kibble as I argue with him over who gets to eat first.  Then we can go running together and feed off each others energy, competing to see who can keep their tongue off the pavement.  Yep, just me and Shadrack in or our own little shack in some small town.

Whichever direction the next year brings me... I will apply all my mental and spiritual fortitude to remain content in whatever situation I find myself.  

The Wonder of it All

I figit in the back pew as I contemplate quietly slipping out the back door and driving off.  I awoke early this morning and drove 40 mi to church, feeling the need for some spiritual wisdom and renewal.  However now I am beginning to question whether I have come to the right place.  I feel totally separated from God and sitting through this routine service seems to drift me further away.


I look around at the small congregation before me.  Far to my right sits an overweight girl in her late twenties who pushes away the hand of a conspicuous elder man who forcefully whispers (God know's what) into her ear.  The young lady's distant scowl deepens as her fingers swipe away at her smart phone.  In front of me sits a retired grey-haired trucker who reminisces with me about his wife.  I am sympathetic towards his loss but as the conversation progresses his breath begins to stink of self-centered arrogance.  Up front a domineering woman leads a group of uncomfortable militant children through a "fun" song to advertise for Vacation Bible School.  The substitute preacher, surrounded by an aura of timid defeat, stands in the back and nervously fiddles with his lapel mic.  A few pews away sits an eccentric teenage boy lifting his hands in prayer, apparently guiding himself through his own worship service. 


I shift in my seat prepared to dart out.  Instead I begin reprimanding myself for criticizing the people around me and feeling so little love for them.  After all, there is plenty that could be said about me.  My job seems to be turning me into a cynic. I see too many angry kids who have faced years of abuse and neglect at the hands of those who should love them most.  I find more and more deception - people who are not what they appear to be on the outside.  How am I to love rather than hate?  How am I to stay optimistic?  


My thoughts are interrupted as the people around me begin to stand with their hymnals for song service.  I grab the book tucked neatly into the pew in front of me and flip it open to our opening song, #75 - The Wonder of it All.  My heart is gripped by the words as we begin to sing...




There's the wonder of sunset at evening,
The wonder as sunrise I see;
But the wonder of wonders that thrills my soul
Is the wonder that God loves me.

O, the wonder of it all! The wonder of it all!
Just to think that God loves me.
O, the wonder of it all! The wonder of it all!
Just to think that God loves me.

There's the wonder of springtime and harvest,
The sky, the stars, the sun;
But the wonder of wonders that thrills my soul
Is a wonder that's only begun.


O, the wonder of it all! The wonder of it all!
Just to think that God loves me.
O, the wonder of it all! The wonder of it all!
Just to think that God loves me.




This is the wonderful truth that I have been forgetting.  God will bring His justice on those who purposely serve evil rather than Him and His goodness.  Yet, we are all deeply loved though we all are broken and not one fully deserves it.  The evil in you and the evil in me is not what defines us.  God loves the victim and the criminal (at times we all play both).  He sees us not for what we do, but for who we are created to be.  My role is not judge.  My role is to live daily serving good and truth rather than evil.  Our song service then closes with a prayer that leaves me feeling humbled and recharged... 

Father, lead me day by day,
Ever in Thine own sweet way;
Teach me to be pure and true;
Show me what I ought to do.

When in danger, make me brave;
Make me know that Thou canst save;
Keep me safe by Thy dear side;
Let me in Thy love abide.

When tempted to do wrong,
Make me steadfast, wise, and strong;
And when all alone I stand,
Shield me with Thy mighty hand.

May I do the good I know,
Be Thy loving child below,
Then at last go home to Thee,
Evermore Thy child to be.
   


#482 - Father, Lead Me Day by Day

Mountaintop Experience

Tonight I watched the sun sink below the horizon as I stood atop a peek overlooking the clouds.  It was perhaps one of the most fantastic spiritual experiences I have had in a long while.  The glowing orange sun spreads its warm colors atop pure while puffy clouds which grace the tops of the surrounding majestic Sierra Nevada peaks.  I hear nothing but the cool wind which makes my naked ears ache.  I welcome the chill, as I am too distracted by the surrounding beauty to care about such temporal discomfort.  I'm reminded of times past that I have experienced this soul bending peace which accompanies the panorama view from atop a peak, gazing down through patches of soft clouds at the vast rugged wilderness below.  I attempt to use lofty language not to please the reader, but to capture just a smidge of the associated feelings that grip me when I find myself standing atop a mountain.

Today I was able to reach this privileged view with minimal effort - a 20 minute drive followed by a short and steep half mile ascent.  Yet most often, such a privileged view comes only after hours of strenuous hiking through treacherous terrain.  I believe this is how it should be.  Such a reward should not come easy, for then it falls victim to simply becoming a "good photo opp."  In my experience,  it has been the things that I work hardest for that I appreciate and value the most.  Yet even after minimal effort to reach my perch, I find myself lost in wonder and consumed by emotion.  Similar to what I experience when comfortably fixed in my window seat, pressing my face against the 8 X 12 window to watch the city noise fade into a speck amidst a larger picture of untamed country.  What is it about the high places that capture my heart and soul?  Why is it that I feel most at peace in these precious moments where I am given a birds eye view of the world?

I don't know that I have absolute answers to these questions.  More and more I believe that true spiritual experiences hold mystery that cannot be scientifically rationalized or psychologically picked apart.  However, today I did some reflecting on these questions while descending from my mountaintop experience and I came to a satisfactory explanation.

First, all outside noise becomes irrelevant and lost - radio, chit-chat, videos, arguments, engines and horns, intellectual banter, mechanized conveniences, religious debate, the hum of artificial lighting, buzzing and ringing phones, the rattling of coins, banging of doors... all is replaced with a natural and real peace.  Secondly, inward noise is carried away with the wind - justifiable anger, worries of tomorrow, fear of yesterday, self-centered pride, self-doubting tapes, pressure to please, questions demanding for answers, unmet personal expectation, performance anxiety accompanied with perfectionism, loneliness, apathy... all are forgotten in this moment.  Finally, childlike wonder is unpacked from it's dusty box - peace embraces the unknown, a renewed trust in a Higher Power is found, acceptance comes easier, joy is placed in living, purpose is discovered,  imagination awakens, unexplainable laughter aroused, curiosity heightens.

From atop the peak, outside noise dissipates, inward noise is silenced, and childlike wonder is recaptured.

Oh, that I could live on that mountaintop... ;)

Simplicity

...is beautiful.

The "R" word

Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em!  In this instance, I'm not talking about girls.  Rather I speak of the paradox surrounding these useful yet dangerous tools known as routines.  A saying I developed during my Freshman year in college is "routine is a trap."  Lately however, I find myself thinking that I would do well to grasp the hand of routine once more.  In the past few years, every time she draws close I shoot her a distrusting look of disgust and push her away.  I reckon it's time that routine was given a fare trial.  Should I slip her in the noose for good or embrace her in welcoming arms?  With you, my blog readers as witnesses, I ask Routine to take the stand -

Routine, is it true that you seek to help people and improve their quality of life rather than insidiously slip your deceiving and confining tentacles around them?

Yes, I seek to give people structure and order, saving them from the head-ache of chaotic living.

Interesting.  Would you then say that life is naturally chaotic?

 Without people intentionally inviting me into their lives... yes.

So the world is naturally chaotic.  Sporadic disasters, broken systems of government and world powers, the random e-brake failure on my unattended truck... all prove that we live in a chaotic world.  Yet you give people the false belief that they have control over their lives.  How do you justify this illusive deception?

Simply because things happen out of our control does not mean that we have NO control over our lives.

Yet it is obvious that people build you into their lives obsessively!  Same job, same friends, same conversations, same modes of mindless entertainment, same ways of thinking, same way of washing in the shower, same parking spot at work, same desk is the classroom, same, same, SAME!  People grow so dependent upon you that when something chaotic happens, out of their control, they grow angry in confusion and fear.  We tend to fear what we do not understand and can not control.  Can you deny that many, if not most people use you out of fear?

I can not deny this.

Therefore you admit, you simply exist to give people a false sense of control to medicate their fear of an unpredictable reality?

No.  I admit that many people use me in unhealthy ways.  Most good things can be used in destructive ways contrary to their true purpose.

So what would you say is your so-called "good and true purpose?"

Well, let's take your own life for example.  You used to brush your teeth every morning and night religiously.  Also when you were a child you put your things away when you were done using them just as your parents taught you.  Now, you waste at least 15 minutes each day searching around your cluttered room for you wallet and keys, breathing a sigh of distress that inevitably reminds you that your oral hygiene has been neglected.

My own life? You want to talk about your role in my own life?!  When I gave you up, I gained so much more than good dentition!  I move from place to place traveling all over the US and the world.  I feel confined to no person or place.  Today I can enter difficult discussions and no longer dwell on the fact that I don't have the answer for everything.  I trust God.  I am free to grow and change daily. I am pursuing work that I love and doing what I am passionate about without being constrained to mere financial motivation.  I understand what it means to live an exciting life because I gave you up!  With you, Routine, I was nothing more than a good boy with a boring life.

You think you have given me up, but the reality is that you continue to use me.  You used me when you payed your credit card bills on time.  You used me when you punctually showed up to work today.  Even when you said a prayer this morning, I was there.  In fact, if you used me more - you would have clean clothes more often, you would exercise more consistently, you would be more successful in staying in touch with close friends and family, and you might even learn to play the guitar better!

Routine, you claim to be good and helpful.  Anyone can see that at times you are.  Yet you yourself admit that many people become obsessive with you.  You might cause order and help people accomplish their goals.  I give you that.  But you also keep people from stepping out of their comfort zones and accomplishing great things!  Can you be trusted?  We will leave it to the readers to decide your fate.  For now, this meeting is adjourned.  It's way past my regular bed time...