Why I Don't Wear a Tie to Church

"Son, where is your tie?!"  I can still hear my dad's jesting tone as we headed out the door for church.  Knowing that I disdained the ornamental choker, my parents tried their best to shake me of the Necktieophobia.  After attending Thunderbird Adventist Academy in Scottsdale, Arizona for my freshman year of high school, they appeared to have won the battle.  At last, I would wear a tie to church.  All the guys wore them and shopped for them at Nordstrom on our weekly mall trips.  I came to realize it was stylish, smart, even sexy.  It gave the girls something to grab onto to pull you closer (or so I had hoped...).  However, today my ties droop in an abandoned closet covered in dust.  Much to the chagrin of my parents and church elders, I have reverted back to the tie boycott.

I want to look my best before God.  It's a cultural norm.  It shows reverence and respect...  I have heard the explanations.  I respect them.  Personally, I still choose to refrain.  Aside from the simple neck constricting discomfort, I have deep convictions that lie behind my empty collar.

I want a church family that loves like Jesus.  I want to be a part of a body of believers that focus so much on the heart of a person that the physical is nothing but a distracting shell breeding prejudice.  I want to fellowship with people who push for change that always occurs from the inside out.  I want to be a part of a church who holds me and each other accountable to these Christian basics.  A fellowship can support ties and all previously mentioned, but let me continue...

Church is an imperfect place made up of imperfect people, together seeking the Perfect God.  I do not believe that the actions of a few should discourage us on our quest for fellowship, service, and a relationship with our God.  I do believe however, that there are actions and attitudes that take place in a church that should be questioned and spoken against.  For example, one head deacon I encountered as a child would tell it's servants that they could not take up offering without a tie.  I guess I never knew that Jesus required this...
Often a critical and demanding spirit can infect an entire fellowship and destroy it's central mission (Not necessarily true of the congregation in the following story... I did not stay around long enough to find out.)

Shorter after graduating from Union College I moved to Omaha, NE where I worked with a fantastic organization called Outward Bound.  While settling into my new city I set out to find a new church family.  I woke up 10 minutes till departure, giving myself plenty of time to get ready.  Throwing my "holiest" clothes on ( a moth-eaten plad top, a pair of work jeans, and a baseball cap to cover my bedhead), I grabbed a cliffbar and an old cigarette off the porch and headed out in search of my new church family. On the way I said a prayer surrounded by cigarette fumes filling the cab from my housemates unfinished stub.

I had decided that I would approach the doors playing the part of the prodigal son returning home.  Would I be shown the love of an excited father with outstretched arms?  During my visit three people said hello.  The rest seemed quite indifferent.  I received no scorn, no hugs, no rebukes, no lunch invitations.  It was an indifferent experience.  I did not find what I was looking for so my search continued to new doors.  My experiment ended that day, and I no longer visited churches with a bed head or cigarette smoke covering my clothes.  I concluded that this performance is as fake and dishonest as when I dawn the traditional church attire.

When I come into the fellowship of God and other believers I want to come as I am - honest and broken.  I don't want to wear cigarette smoke or wafting perfumes.  I am not a smoker and I am not a flower.  So often I walk into churches and I see everyone "dawning their best."  There always seem to be members wearing a big fake smile while their heart is crying.  Those with a music skill sing loudly from up front.  Those who are tone-deaf mouth the words.  We shower and scrub, gel and shine.  Too often there seems to be an unspoken competition for "best dressed," "best couple," or "family who has it all together."

Imagine this.  You have a horrible week.  You lose your job, find that one of your closest friends has abandoned you, and you stay up at night worrying about your family.  Once again in a moment of weakness you slipped again into your addiction.  It has been overcast all week and you can't remember seeing the Son.  When it finally comes time for church do you anxiously run to your family?  Do you know that you can find strength, encouragement, and love there that you have been missing?  Or do you, like so many others, breath a distressed sigh and say, I don't feel like going to church this week?  I don't think I can pretend today.

I don't want our worship services to turn into an emotional dump.  I'm not suggesting that our praise to God only come when we FEEL like it nor am I saying that reverence is unimportant.  I'm just suggesting that we loosen our collars if anything, and come boldly before God and one another - carrying each others burdens.  I want my church to be a safe place.  A house representing the diversity of God's people.  I want to be free to serve without a tie.  Greedy tax collectors, fishermen with dirty mouths and clothes, timid men who feared speaking for God, women distressed by broken bodies and hearts, men ruled by anger and violence - these are the people God called to serve.  They all began serving AS they were being changed.  I am the church.  You are the church.  We must learn to keep our eyes and hearts on what is really important in our fellowship and embrace the suits and ties as well as the bedheads and jeans.


James 2:1-13:

"My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory. For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, “You sit here in a good place,” while you say to the poor man, “You stand over there,” or, “Sit down at my feet,” have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my beloved brothers, has not God chosen those who are poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom, which he has promised to those who love him? But you have dishonored the poor man. Are not the rich the ones who oppress you, and the ones who drag you into court? Are they not the ones who blaspheme the honorable name by which you were called?
If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well. But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it. For he who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said, “Do not murder.” If you do not commit adultery but do murder, you have become a transgressor of the law. So speak and so act as those who are to be judged under the law of liberty. For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment."

(James 2:1-13 ESV).