I struggle to force my foot into the already laced bright orange running shoe, thinking once again how ridiculous they look. I purchased them online at a discounted price for obvious reasons. As I struggle to squeeze my wide foot into the stubborn mouth, I again reprimand myself for refusing to tie and untie my shoes with each use - a bad habit that has followed me since 5th grade. I scan the long row of lockers, searching for an open one that poses the greatest inconvenience. I throw my stuff inside, lay some underwear on top as a deterrent and slam it shut.. It's really about time I get a lock. I check my pockets to make sure I have the worn index card bearing my workout routine. Dodging the naked guy exiting the showers, I walk out and commence my workout.
I grab some water from the fountain, glance at my index card, and begin the search for an open barbell. As my workout progresses I notice my muscles becoming more and more tense. Not tense from the exertion but from something entirely different. It seems every gym has them, they're always there, and learning to co-exist with them is half the battle of the workout...
THE GR-UH!-NTER
Okay, so I understand the importance of deep breathing during repetitions but is it necessary to make the whole gym aware of what rep you're on? If your weights are so heavy that they are causing you to expel a Spartan war cry with each lift, maybe kick it down a notch. When people are falling off treadmills on the other side of the gym out of fear, and a desk worker in the lobby comes running with a med bag... might consider developing a new breathing strategy.
THE DEAF BLIND THEIF
Asking if you want to work in between sets is fine - but don't nab a guys station the minute he gets up, readjust all the weights, and then just sit there between sets admiring your reflection. I workout using supersets, as do a lot of people today. Supersetting is a training method in which you do two exercises, one after the other, with no rest in between. However there always lurks some guy who's mission is to destroy your chances of completing your routine. He's usually the one tuning out everything around him with the music thumping in his ears. It's not until you stand directly between him and the mirror, wave your arms and yell,"CAN I FINISH?!" that he snaps back to reality and says, "Oh, were you using this?"
THE CHUCK NORRIS
Hey, I'm using the same weight. Can I work in with you? - "Ha ha, naw, this is just my warm up."
Maybe it is just your warm up - but I still resent you for it.
THE TALKER
Um, I hate to interrupt your discourse on how terrible our President is doing and how his fiscal policies are creating a worldwide economic crisis that is going to lead to WWIII ending the existence of modern mankind while the machines take over.... but can I grab those 35s behind you? I go the gym to workout. Some people go to socialize and that's fine. But at least do it in a place where you're not impeding the flow of the crazy few who are trying to compete a workout. Also, please don't try to talk over the Spartan on the squat machine... you won't win.
